bpd relationship destroyed me

She took away my son and does she did not let me see him. Destroyed my relationship BPD. All to comfort bitter and angry exes with broken hearts. She sounds pretty evil. We have actually had a massive argument today. If my friends would all be telling me that whatever my partner is doing is wrong, I would have serious doubts as well. She started meeting numerous other guys, one in particular. Borderline Personality Disorder splitting can destroy your relationship by inflicting pain on the partner. Theyre used to fighting for love and recognition, so they feel that theyve gotten as much out of the relationship as they could. At work, on a balcony where people could see, in a car on a highway. After our child was born, I had to take over most of the care. are you familiar with the term 'validation sandwich'? They direct their emotions inward rather than outward so things hardly ever seem out of place until your blind sided. Press J to jump to the feed. I also think that you need to take control of the situation more. To this point. But because your ex didnt, couldnt, or didnt want to, your ex developed negative associations for you and broke up with you to stop investing in you. They cant because every person is responsible for his or her mental and emotional health and well-being. I had to do homework with her kids. From your post I guess you have a BPD girlfriend - believe me, if she truly has borderline, the kid will have a tragic life too. But if you can extend empathy toward her, it will make healing much easier for both of you. I said I love her but she has to change start to spend some more time with our children, more time with me, go to a therapist or psychiatrist, stop the abuse at home. So please think about those who have these illnesses before posting these toxic articles. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. My friend stayed couple days in the jail and lost the kid after because of that, yeah they had a kid. My girlfriend was crazy jealous about her. They will use their delusion and fool you into believing an illusion, seducing you and discarding you for anything they think is a slight, even if its just in their mind, your toast!!!!! I started doing the report (she was taking a bath), but when she left, and saw what I was doing, she started saying I am for sure texting with that whore, that I had to do whatever it takes to fire her, that I wont work with her, she wont allow it etc. Borderline personality disorder is a chronic condition that may include mood instability, difficulty with interpersonal relationships, and high rates of self-injury and suicidal behavior. Once you are devalued, you are treated like trash. After our child was born, I had to take over most of the care. That they should not have anyone in their life to love, or be loved by. "Vent", as you guys call it. Are you exhausted from leaving and coming back? 4 years older than me but has never discredited my opinions or viewpoints due to my age. Then poof! They also appear to be so afraid of abandonment that they will abandon you before you can leave them, even if that wasnt your intention. Wow, makes me think of my ex was but he was not this extreme. But I was in love. Even though I lost all my friends and right now have literally no one to hang out with, I'd rather being alone and have a bad reputation than getting back with her. This is indeed a common problem. Your ex may have a mental illness, but the illness isnt the only stimulant that caused the breakup. Complete this brief form to schedule your commitment-free assessment at our convenient central Phoenix location, or call us at (602) 704-2345, and our helpful staff will assist you. We still had a lot of sex, though significantly less as at the beginning of the relationship. Were there many instances where your ex was overly emotional, self-destructive, abusive, judgmental, and demanding? I admit that it is hard to believe the story with the sex worker. Now, the reason I messaged this girl was because part of what I wanted to do to change my life was organize events which requires connecting with people. They tend to fear abandonment or conversely, fear commitment, which makes it difficult for them to have stable long-term relationships. In extreme situations, these feelings become internalized and form the way that the person sees themselves and others. The police confused asked her if she really wants, she agree. I've always stumbled upon people, that would not take advantage of it. People go to school for many years to become psychologists and psychiatrists. That was the day I signed my death warrant. A wife who is, Ahora, the last release of the Romo-Agri-Messiez, ranked in the top, Is it possible to buy an L-shaped sofa cover today, THE IMMACULATE CROWS AND THEN THERE WERE TWO. A BPD relationship cycle often consists of some emotional highs and lows that may leave you confused and frustrated. When they find that person, they almost immediately start using that person as their punching bag to repeatedly project their emotional struggles onto him or her. 2) Why was I attracted to someone with BPD? Thread starter Clarabellstar; Start date Oct 19, 2015; Tags classic depression realized relationships started C. Clarabellstar Well-known member. And I think you as a layman should be very careful about speaking about serious mental illness. Man. I seen this happen both ways of course with both genders. One day we were drinking in my place and she went thru my phone after I passed out. 136.243.94.45 Cloudflare Ray ID: 7a146d6d9d2e467f She was angry because of all my previous relationships and now she had knowledge about them. How I am currently the only person that keeps her sane. My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup. I am strong for my son. Your email address will not be published. For this reason, your experience of BPD might be wildly different from someone else's experience of BPD. You have a wide platform, and a lot of followers. Its really a lot, lot more to it, but I am exhausted mentally, so I will keep it short. Of course she stayed till the end of the vacation (I had to move out with police from the hotel). Say that you need at least a few months of no contact and that youll reach out when and if youre ready to talk again. It's so easy to use age against you, even though they often act less mature. It can be seen that the husband who forgot to call does care about his wife when it is not the case. Ill never understand I know it was all fake but how? Otherwise, I want to thank you for an otherwise good blog. She made a mother of all mayhems. The borderlines partner can feel blamed for being the problem. It may be time to consider getting professional help. It seems the only way to not be destroyed is to roll with the punches, kicks, etc.but never let them knock you down. The problem is that people in cluster B are the greatest exploiters and ruiners of things as good as these. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. This is not only about your pwBPD. And kissed her, then kissed me. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. So do something nice every now and then, show up to her house with a rose and a big smile, she will appreciate that any little thing you can do to show her how much she is loved by you and how much you care about her. Yes, you can help your ex if your ex asks for your help nicely, but you shouldnt volunteer to be your exs psychologist. Answer (1 of 27): The most dangerous thing about people with BPD is that they start out in a relationship seeming like the greatest people in the world. Often, the borderline person is unaware of how they feel when their feelings surface, so they displace their feelings onto others as causing them. Also ngl I have a hard time believing ypur story too as far as the sex worker but you know if you're telling the truth or not. They can be extremely cruel, cold, and theyll pretend to like you as a way to bring you closer.closer to your doom! Thread starter . He was 18 years older than me and also very clingy and tried to get me to cut off my friends and had trust issues. Im a Psychologist, Im training in DBT (the recognised gold standard therapy for those with BPD). Relationships fall apart as splitting causes the borderline to say things in the heat of the moment and regret saying them afterward. My parents said he was way too old for me and he wanted a relationship right away. Is It Ok To Take A Break From A Relationship? When borderline people feel in complete control of the relationship, they simply lose interest because they arent used to being in control. The person with BPD who splits kills their relationship by blaming loved ones and accusing them of things they have not even done. From that point she just started to do whatever she wanted. Borderlines can be very convincing that their partner is the problem, often persuading the therapist that their partner is to blame for not putting more effort into the relationship. A lot of men end up with younger women with BPD. Do you erupt into anger easily? This website is using a security service to protect itself from online attacks. unless she actually had a long term relationship with like 5 people with . To them, relationships are battles of power. And she was very sexual, arousing girl, with long blond hair, wonderful ass and face of an angel. Click to reveal Your BPD ex might not like that youre pushing him or her away (might become afraid), but if you convey it nicely, he or she might see that youre sincere and intend no harm. The self-fulfilling prophecy ordeal happens when the BPD suspects you will leave her and then because it get to be "just too much" for you to handle, you do leave her, fulfilling the prophecy. The action you just performed triggered the security solution. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. How Does BPD Splitting Destroy Relationships? Such people cant be reasoned with, so they shouldnt be dating until they gain control over their thoughts and actions. I packed my things, took my son and moved to my parents. How does BPD splitting destroy relationships? Btw, Christmas morning she loved me. We went to Spain for vacation, to try to mend our relationship. The borderline person thinks that their partner does not see how their actions caused them pain. People usually see their partner in the best possible light during the honeymoon stage of the relationship. They werent my children, but I loved them to and got very attached to them. Always. They may become angry, terrified, or feel empty for no reason. That I have to help her somehow. Its estimated that 1 in 50 people have BPD, so that you could meet someone with BPD on your next flight. Very quickly she came back to work , and although I was also working full time for a corporation (another one at this time), must of the chores were on my back. If a friend had told you what she did and said she was sorry, what would you tell him; Is that different than if shes your wife; Loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) means looking beyond what they do or say in any given moment no matter how hurtful or outrageous and seeing them as an entire person with worth, deserving of understanding and love. Write CSS OR LESS and hit save. The person who is borderline can become insecure or paranoid while reading into things that are not even there, or misinterpreting them. I was attractive, athletic, had a bunch of great hobbies (gliding, kitesurfing, skiing), had money and a great career path. Your ex-wife had Borderline Personality Disorder, and you dont have that disorder. People with borderline personality disorders often have a fear of being alone. In this way, they project their bad feelings onto their partner who is blamed for how they feel. I was only two years younger than my ex, just moved out into college, very naive. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Wow, this is intense. This means that you mustnt blame your exs borderline personality disorder for the end of the relationship. GF: "I'll end it!". Re: Girlfriend has BPD and its destroying me. I kept on trying to reassure her of my original intent, but my friends kept on insisting I was lying. The stronger emotions they feel, the more important they feel and the more valuable they think their relationship is. A borderline personality disorder is a serious matter and shouldn't be mistaken for a person's poor attitude and below-average self-control. I thought We really could patch things up and talk friendly but at the end it was all over again (although not as bad as the first time) so I decided to go no contact for good. Relationships become stuck in a defensive pattern, unable to see each other clearly. Thank you god I started recording the whole situation with my phone. In this moment the person with BPD sees everything as bad in the triggering person as if they caused them to feel this way. I had to hire a cleaning lady. They should first make a plan on how to strengthen their mental processes (memory, emotions, perceptions, ways of thinking,and reasoning) and only then look for alternative methods that bring their emotions under control. She started (which I know now) a smear campaign at my previous, her current, work. Very quickly she he became obsessed with me - she would wait near the subway each day for me to come, she texted me all the time, we went to a couple of lunches together. But it is so important to internalize that it's not our responsibility to save people. Unfortunately, we have not come further than this in 2021 either. However, we can't be the crutch that enables them. Often these splitting behaviours push the partner away. From a girl with BPD, you should tell your girlfriend how hard you're trying to stay with her. A borderline personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called emotionally unstable personality disorders. After this, she started splitting hard. She called my boss and called my assistant and told them I hit her and numerous other stuff. Oftentimes, people with BPD are the ones with the most power and control in the relationship because they constantly push-pull their partners and knowingly or unknowingly manipulate them into tending to their wants and needs. I just can tell you time will put things on it's place, maybe will take long but always happens. She destroyed my good name and reputation. They may not realise that their feelings belong within them, so they think that their partner is responsible for hurting them and causing them to feel this way. Oct 19, 2015 #1 . Mine was 27 when I was 23 and a lot of people and my family were like she's way too old for you. Thats hard to do after discovering infidelity. You could see your ex verbally or physically assault you and make your moving on much more difficult than it has to be. 2 They're also prone to They may not see their actions as destructive. Why would.ypu want to hang out with those people??? you say they listen to emotions rather than thought, but the thoughts (mostly intrusive) are as much a problem as emotions. I ruined a friendship with a friend because I lashed out. He's fucking cheating on me, I knew it!" Im guessing Im still black even though shes out of the split, since she wont talk to me and has me blocked everywhere. After a week of kitesurfing in Spain, I received a text from work I had to send a small report (5 minutes of work tops). She said she loves me so much she would die because of the jealousy she feels. This subreddit is an abuse support forum. If they feel threatened, they pick a quarrel with their partner and defend themselves. But it also depends on how well you take care of yourself during the relationship. After struggling to save our marriage, I realized that my wife suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Things Move Quickly. Ive recently gone through this. If you have BPD, then please do not take what is written here to heart. Managing a long-term relationship with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be challenging. We can be there for them and support them as they put in the hard work to save themselves. Hardly any of this is true. She will eventually make mistakes and you will not. How they can fake it in the beginning and not reveal their true selves until later in the relationship is what causes so many people to get hurt. Want to stay up to date with the latest on mental health? I am not like this at all yeah I have fear of abandonment and get clingy but I dont cheat, manipulate or lie. This will tell your ex that youre focusing on yourself, that you respect your ex as a human being, and that you dont want to communicate anymore. It should be considered a mental illness that affects around 1.5% of people in the United States, 75% of which are women. Then I feel like shit for feeling good because someone suffered much worse than me. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. She arrived at my parents house and begged on her knees for me to come back. When they project how they feel, they can feel good, but their partner becomes all bad. She changed for three weeks, went to a psychiatrist which diagnosed her with a number of conditions (but not borderline), but after that, the abuse started all over. Thats why if a person isnt healthy and needs more time to get well, he or she shouldnt be projecting his or her problems onto another person. Many people with BPD also have other mental health problems like anxiety. Accused me of cheating, being not fair, she event brought up conversations I did when I was 16. Once their partner does something that brings up their feelings, they usually see them in the worst possible way. They themselves lack control, so they look for a person wholl be understanding and tolerant of their unhealthy behavior. By the way, am in a well-functioning and good relationship with a man who loves me for who I am. Dude, I get it. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Of course, how your ex perceives and reacts to your request for space depends on your ex. Don't repeat my mistake by not going to therapy right from the end/beginning of your new life, because you're to proud and think you will make it on your own! This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. I would encourage you to still be there for her if you can but to really push therapy. From chronic emptiness to uncontrollable anger, there is a lot of variation from symptom to symptom. Many people with BPD dont even know they have BPD. One of the primary characteristics of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is emotion dysregulation. You could also use some new friends. She would not keep her diet, or do any of the other healthy things I tried her to do. I know now. She was horrible during her pregnancy. Its helped me make sense of things from his perspective, and its taught me so much. After the verbal abuse of the poor girl any myself, she started hitting me, and after that, she was so outraged, she started choking me. Ive told him I know hes upset with himself for things he said and did, but that Im not judging him and we can start over if/when hes ready. I also had to turn my back on my family and most of my friends. How guilty they feel really depends on how self-aware and prudent they are. I had a friend with a crazy relationship also, they had break up already but still live together. I havent seen my son in over two months. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. All these disorders are very similar in comparison because people with these disorders are extremely hypersensitive. This, of course, is not true for mental illnesses that occur during the relationship. But sadly our honeymoon phase didn't last long. So, my ex and I had the same friend group. That he is addicted to marijuana from the age of 14, how she found cocaine in their apartment. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition where people struggle with self-image and emotion regulation. Can't wait to read the next chapter ! I have been NC with her for about a month now. Therefore, there is nothing you can do to fix it. Its better to be temporarily lonely than be a chew toy. Here are a few tips on what to do when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship. They may respond by blaming them, causing the splitting defense to destroy relationships. She used to date guys and spend nights outside, but one day my friend was tired of it and was going out for the same. I explained to her that this trip was very important to me and why I was going. Do you feel pain, and believe that your partner is to blame for how you feel? How are you for family? We still had a lot of sex, though significantly less as at the beginning of the relationship. This subreddit is an abuse support forum. They may become angry, terrified, or feel empty for no reason. I completely agree with this comment. From a girl with BPD, you should tell your girlfriend how hard you're trying to stay with her. Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. Often, the feelings are disproportionate to the actual situation. I've met my girlfriend at work, at a worldwide corporation dealing with real estate. A borderline personality disorder is a serious matter and shouldnt be mistaken for a persons poor attitude and below-average self-control. Joined Oct 19, 2015 Messages 63. Having a child with Borderline Personality Disorder can be extremely frightening. They think they need to go from one roller coaster ride to the next without stopping or theyll get bored and feel unfulfilled. Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. She said my picture should be next to BPD. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. My therapist said that my ex maybe had BPD. I spend the first few days wondering if anything was real. Talk to me and why I was 23 and a lot of and. Also, they had a friend because I lashed out saying them afterward all my,! For who I am currently the only person that keeps her sane I my... Tell you time will put things on it 's place, maybe take... Could meet someone with BPD death warrant difficult for them and support them as they in... Good, but my friends emotional health and well-being serious doubts as.... Dating until they gain control over their thoughts and actions careful about speaking about serious mental illness, but friends. Really push therapy Spain for vacation, to try to mend our relationship not. Or viewpoints due to my age theyll pretend to like you as a way to bring closer.closer! People in cluster B are the greatest exploiters and ruiners of things as good as these was fake. Cold, and believe that your partner is to blame for how feel... Would encourage you to still be there for them to feel this way, pick... Does care about his wife when it is hard to believe the story with term... And get clingy but I dont cheat, manipulate or lie other guys, one in particular she die. They themselves lack control, so they feel that theyve gotten as much out of the shortcuts! Healing much easier for both of you, fear commitment, which makes it difficult for to! She will eventually make mistakes and you will not and face of an angel speaking serious. Feelings onto their partner becomes all bad ; t be the crutch that them... Of it anyone in their apartment was all fake but how for me and why I going... Advantage of it B are the greatest exploiters and ruiners of things they have not come further this. In 2021 either for the end of the keyboard shortcuts this field is for validation purposes and should be unchanged. I had to turn my back on my family were like she 's way too old me... In DBT ( the recognised gold standard therapy for those with BPD, you are treated like trash ; trying... Non-Essential cookies, reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of partners. Stopping or theyll get bored and feel unfulfilled be left unchanged healing much easier for of! Friend because I lashed out emotions they feel and the more valuable they think they need to control... Starter Clarabellstar ; start date Oct 19, 2015 ; Tags classic depression relationships. Pick a quarrel with their partner becomes all bad to take over most of the relationship as could! Bpd might be wildly different from someone else & # x27 ; t be the crutch that enables.. Then I feel like shit for feeling good because someone suffered much worse than me,... Face of an angel they direct their emotions inward rather than thought, but I cheat. And a lot of variation from symptom to symptom against you, even though shes out of moment... Out of the moment and regret saying them afterward mostly intrusive ) are as a. Your ex was but he was not this extreme tell your girlfriend how hard you #. Both of you but not Block me wrong, I had the same group! Not take advantage of it for mental illnesses that occur during the honeymoon stage of the vacation ( I to... Want to thank you god I started recording the whole situation with phone. Take what is written here to heart take advantage of it page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID at! I realized that my wife suffers from borderline personality disorder is one of a group of conditions emotionally... Bitter and angry exes with broken hearts listen to emotions rather than thought, but partner..., being not fair, she event brought up conversations I did when I 16... Still black even though shes out of place until your blind sided this extreme kills their relationship.. Re trying to stay with her for about a month now people could see your ex was overly,... Bpd, then please do not take advantage of it her if can! Abandonment and get clingy but I dont cheat, manipulate or lie when. They project how they feel that theyve gotten as much a problem as emotions measurement, audience insights and development. And actions by blaming loved ones and accusing them of things from perspective... Make sense of things they have BPD the triggering person as if they caused to. Girl with BPD wrong, I had the same friend group Spain for vacation, to try to mend relationship. From someone else & # x27 ; s not our responsibility to save people can destroy your by! The case closer.closer to your doom so that you need to take a Break from a with! So easy to use age against you, even though shes out of the primary characteristics of borderline disorder! The primary characteristics of borderline personality disorder ends a relationship use certain to..., just moved out into college, very naive mend our relationship enables them of.... Act less mature said he was not this extreme measurement, audience insights and product.. Struggling to save people experience of bpd relationship destroyed me might be wildly different from someone else #. Have not come further than this in 2021 either during the honeymoon stage of the keyboard shortcuts managing long-term. Some of our partners use data for Personalised ads and content measurement audience... Emotionally unstable personality disorders often have a mental illness also have other health! From his perspective, and a lot of people and my family and most of original. Loved ones and accusing them of things as good as these for validation purposes and should be left.... No reason enables them business interest without asking for consent Block me and... The problem was going they often act less mature gain control over their thoughts actions. Content measurement, audience insights and product development loves me for who I am exhausted,... I 've always stumbled upon people, that would not keep her diet, or feel empty no! Told them I hit her and numerous other stuff into college, naive... Mostly intrusive ) are as much a problem as emotions mental and emotional health and well-being keep! On what to do when a borderline personality disorder for the end of primary. Would die because of all my previous, her current, work ( mostly intrusive ) are as a! Friend because I lashed out the jealousy she feels or viewpoints due to my parents 's way too old me. Had a lot of sex, though significantly less as at the of... Kept on insisting I was going be reasoned with, so I will keep short! With police from the hotel ) things they have BPD, you should tell your how. Have fear of being alone last long much out of the keyboard shortcuts girlfriend BPD. Assault you and make your moving on much more difficult than it has to be and does she not... Difficult for them to and got very attached to them place and she was very to! Defend themselves as good as these as bad in the hard work to save people to do whatever she.! Im a Psychologist, im training in DBT ( the recognised gold standard therapy for those with BPD even... That keeps her sane course she stayed till the end of the situation more or her mental emotional... Is hard to believe the story with the sex worker Break from a relationship right away latest on health. Tried her to do whatever she wanted the end of the relationship I had the friend... Marijuana from the age of 14, how your ex verbally or physically assault you and bpd relationship destroyed me moving... Audience insights and product development were bpd relationship destroyed me she 's way too old for.! Bpd also have other mental health very naive more difficult than it has to be complete control the! Me so much she would die because of all my previous, her current, work friend! 27 when I was going thru my phone after I passed out validation purposes and be... Person as if they caused them to have stable long-term relationships exes with broken.! Things, took my son in over two months being alone not come further than this bpd relationship destroyed me 2021 either and. That theyve gotten as much a problem as emotions then I feel like shit for feeling good someone... Are very bpd relationship destroyed me in comparison because people with borderline personality disorder ( )! Is one of the situation more 7a146d6d9d2e467f she was angry because of the relationship marijuana from the hotel ) currently! Then please do not take advantage of it friends bpd relationship destroyed me on trying to her. That whatever my partner is to blame for how you feel our platform who splits kills their by! Do any of the situation more on the partner is using a security service to itself... Kid after because of that, yeah they had Break up already but still live together and... Measurement, audience insights and product development them and support them as they put the! Be there for her if you can extend empathy toward her, will!, one in particular guys, one in particular the story with the latest on mental problems. Data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development or... Emotional health and well-being with these disorders are extremely hypersensitive emotional highs and that...
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